The point of this week’s read is that if Sam Vimes walked away from an explosion without looking back, his back would get singed, as is only good and right.
Summary
Constable Visit goes to deliver a letter meant from Carrot to Colon since he’s now the captain, only to be berated, demoted, and asked where the sugar lumps are vanishing off to. (Fred has also been binning or burning all the paperwork.) Other Watch members are threatening to leave for other cities as Visit walks in with the letter from Vimes asking for information and learns that the Scone replica has been found in the street. Nobby goes in to see Fred and learns that Flint is going to be made the new sergeant rather than him. Carrot asks for chickens from a farmer who Angua also got chickens from. Gaspode later tells him that he overheard the farmer talking to a man who said they captured a wolf in Scant Cullot. Colon goes to talk to Vetinari, who tries to get him to take the Sonky case seriously to no avail. Carrot has Gaspode chat with the captured wolf about to be baited in Scant Cullot, then tells the locals that his dog will fight the animal. When Gaspode gets in the ring the wolf keels over at a bark; Carrot insists this special bark killed the beast and takes it with him. Vimes gets word back from the Watch about the Scone replica and the info he asked for. Inigo insists they get through the pass at Wilinus post-haste though it’s dangerous. Vimes insists the servants wait until the mail coach goes through for their safety, but Sybil wants to come with them. Carrot and Gaspode get information on Angua from the wolf before it runs away.
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Lost in the Moment and Found
As they reach the pass, Inigo warns Vimes again of bandits. Vimes tells him to ride inside with Sybil while he rides on the box, and warns Detritus and Cheery that they’re about to be ambushed. As they set off, Vimes goes through Inigo’s case and finds something that he expects. Gaspode and Carrot are camping in the snow, and Carrot passes out from exhaustion and lack of food as shadows close in around them. Gaspode tries to defend him, only to find that one of the shadows closing in is Angua. Vimes and company are stopped in the pass by a group of bandits who threaten Sybil’s life if Vimes doesn’t drop his weapon and let them ransom him back to the city. Inigo Skimmer begins dispatching them silently, while Vimes loads everyone back in the carriages and drives full speed out of the pass and to an inn. They arrive at an inn and have some trouble; Vimes doesn’t immediately notice that Sybil is badly shaken, and the locals laugh at Cheery for being dressed in a skirt. Vimes goes outside to get some air and finds Inigo Skimmer, calling him out for what he is: an assassin. Inigo is a guild member (who went to school on scholarship) sent to protect Vimes. Carrot learns that Angua is out here because her family is up to something bad, and her friend Gavin (a regular wolf) came to warn her. Angua wants Carrot to head home, but he won’t hear it. Vimes and company set out on the road again after learning that there were seven dead bodies behind them in the pass; Vimes knows it was Inigo but will be attributed to him.
They run into an army of dwarfs on the road, and Vimes and Cheery and Detritus all prove sticking points, but Inigo steps in and insists on their diplomatic immunity. Angua and Gavin convince the wolves in the next territory to hitch themselves to a local’s sled so that they can carry Carrot and Gaspode, leaving the dog to wonder if Carrot let himself almost die on purpose, knowing Angua would rescue him. Dorfl and Reg Shoe come to Colon to ask for the chitty to collect the Watch’s wages, which sends Colon into a rage. Nobby has been instated at the head of the newly-created Guild of Watchmen, and informs him that they’re all on strike. The Ankh-Morpork delegation arrive at Bonk and the first set of guards attempt to search the carriages, while the second set insist that Detritus cannot be allowed to roam the city without a special passport. Vimes knows this is all coming from higher up and tells Inigo to sort it or they’ll leave the city—it’s settled in minutes. The assassin also informs him that something has been stolen from the city: Vimes (rightly) guesses that it’s the Scone of Stone. Angua explains to Carrot that the wolves are upset because werewolves are causing trouble, and when they do, wolves take the blame and get killed. The trouble comes from her brother Wolfgang, who is a traditionalist and killed her yennork (a werewolf who cannot change form) sister, and drove her yennork brother off. She means to fight him and put a stop to this.
They arrive at the embassy to an Igor and tons of hunting trophies all around—including a troll head. Detritus isn’t bothered by it (he has a bit of human skull that belonged to his grandmother from the old days), but Vimes insists on taking all of them down. The man meant to be in charge of the embassy, Mister Sleeps, has vanished, which worries Inigo. Vimes has to present his credentials in order to the soon-to-be Low King, Lady Margolotta, and the werewolf clan. He leaves Detritus at the embassy with Sybil, and brings one guard and Cheery with him, heading underground into the mines to meet the king’s “idea taster,” Dee. Vimes and Dee go over the credentials and Vimes asks about the Scone’s theft, which Dee vehemently denies. After Vimes tells off the losing king candidate for calling Cheery a terrible dwarven slur, the Low King-elect agrees to see him. He heads down and talks with the fellow, who asks him about the subtle way that Ankh-Morpork seems to be taking over everything and drawing more dwarfs away from home. Vimes is honest, but still diplomatic, and the Low King dismisses him. Cheery explains to Vimes why so many of the dwarfs are dressed in clothes that dwarfs associate with an old position called “knockermen,” the ones who used to go down to see whether the mines were safe and often died in explosions. There’s no technical need for them since the invention of a certain type of lantern, which has led to a sharp schism in their culture in the last fifty years.
Commentary
Look, the thing is, Vetinari basically sent a substitute him to keep Vimes safe. Obviously they have a different class background, but in terms of outlook and shrewdness (plus that little assassination thing) there’s really no point in denying it. Inigo Skimmer is acting in the Patrician’s stead to make certain the Duke of Ankh-Morpork comes to no harm. It’s absurd.
A good portion of this section concerns the politics of Uberwald, Carrot damseling himself to get Angua to rescue him, and Vimes continuing to do his best at what comes naturally (being a detective) and what he’s still learning (diplomacy). He does a decent job at both, of course, but the cost is much higher than we casually assume. In fact, one of my favorite things that Pratchett welds into Vimes’ character are these action hero moments that always either have practical uses or turn out to be desperate Hail Marys… or both. So we find out that he lit his cigar as a point of distraction—not because it looked cool and he was busy being unbothered in the face of death. And later on, those moments cause a breakdown in Sybil that he misses completely because he’s busy having his own breakdown. There’s no real “tough guy” in this scenario—Sam Vimes does his best, but internally, he knows it’s all bluster and it makes him a far more interesting person.
We’re seeing more direct prejudices aimed at Detritus and Cheery throughout this trip, and yet again, nothing makes Vimes so combative as other people being treated poorly in front of him. So a few books ago, he wasn’t good with trolls on the Watch, and two books previous he had some difficult with Cheery transitioning to being openly female. Now anyone tries to give his people trouble and he’s applying every possible political pressure to be certain that it stops. Detritus can walk freely about the city. No one can call Cheery slurs. All the hunting trophies come down, even if Detritus isn’t bothered, because it’s grotesque to ask him to stay somewhere that has a head like his mounted to the wall.
Rhys Rhysson’s talk with Vimes gives us a better idea of what specifically plagues dwarf culture at this point in time, and paints a very astute picture of the strain between diaspora groups and their homelands. Pointedly, there is no “right” side being presented here, only Vimes defending Ankh-Morpork dwarfs living out their lives wherever they see fit because he had a problem with dwarfs on the Watch, sure, only now they’re his coworkers and they’ve earned the right to patriotically shittalk their city, just like him.
Then Vimes has the talk with Cheery about the knockermen, and learns this of Rhys: “You mean he didn’t get to be king because everyone liked him but because no one disliked him enough?” And I find myself thinking about the current U.S. president who is nothing if not that exact thing. And also thinking of Vetinari’s insistence that people’s greatest desire is for tomorrow to be pretty much like today. And then I get a headache.
For a diverting side note, I’m endlessly bemused by the way the story sorts people who think contraception is a great idea and people who don’t, and makes it very clear which of these choices makes more sense. Namely due to the fact that Vimes and Vetinari are both incredibly blunt and practical about the invention whereas Colon doesn’t like it because he never wants to think about anything, and Carrot gets reactively conservative when presented with any sufficiently new idea (i.e. Cheery presenting female and, apparently, condoms). The sly manner with which Vetinari points out the hypocrisy of Fred calling it “unnatural” when so many advents of modern life could be called the same is especially satisfying, not that it makes any impact on Colon’s impenetrable brain.
I dunno, I think a lot about the fact that Fred Colon is a pretty terrible person at heart who is only saved most of the time by having people like Vimes and Nobby and Carrot around him, who keep his worst impulses at bay (Carrot via uprightness, Vimes via sarcasm, Nobby via sheer chaos). Because humans are influenced by pack mentality, and some people truly only manage decency because they’re surrounded by relatively decent folk. What we’re seeing here is the breakdown that occurs when you give that person the tiniest crumb of power and take away too many of the supports that demand decency from them. It’s only comical because we know it won’t last.
Asides and little thoughts:
- Just keep coming back to “Visit instinctively respected authority, no matter how crazy, because he’d been brought up properly.” Because I do know people like that, but being sort of the exact opposite of that, it terrifies me on a base cellular level.
- I know it’s supposed to be a little scary, but every time the narrative mentions Carrot’s smile while he’s in Scant Cullot, I’m seeing an “I’d like to speak to the manager” smile. Which is scary, but probably not in the way Pratchett is intending.
- Okay, Carrot is being absolutely bananas in how he’s handling Angua’s departure, but his happiness at the idea that her brother is a champion sheepdog is absolutely dear, how can you be mad at that.
Pratchettisms:
Vimes hated and despised the privileges of rank, but they had this to be said for them: At least they meant that you could could hate and despise them in comfort.
Some of the people in the square looked the sort who treasured their lack of a sense of humor.
Gaspode listened to some more snowflakes.
There was def’nitly a lot of Atmosphere in the atmosphere. And Gaspode had a feeling that, if things went all pear-shaped in a hurry, one small dog had all the survival chances of a chocolate kettle on a very hot stove.
Hundreds of glass eyes, obscenely alive in the light of the fire in the huge hearth, stared down at Vimes.
Igor could have been said to have looked as if his world had fallen down around his ears were it not for the fact that he already looked as if this had happened.
You didn’t need the brains of Detritus in a snowdrift to suspect a connection.
“Swordfish,” said Sam and Sybil together, and went back to sleep.
Next week we’ll read up to
“But, Captain, wherever you are, wherever you go, watchmen are always watchmen.”
